person standing near lake

Independence Isolation

Does something stop you from asking for help or what you need? Today I was thinking about why was it I was reluctant to send out my two monthly emails. I had reluctance to do the promotion needed to gain clients and run my business. The answer that came to mind was I didn’t want to “bother” people. I find the flurry of emails that I just delete from stores and other mailing lists too much sometimes and I don’t want to be “that guy”. The sad part is that not only does my business suffer but my clients can’t get the help they need because I don’t want to “bother them”.

As I thought about this little revelation, it came to me that others probably feel the same way. I have always had a fiercely independent do-it-yourself vibe, that I assume was imprinted from my family or is just a byproduct of my curiosity about how things are done. The character trait of independence can be so isolating and exhausting. I usually only ask for help when I can’t figure out how to do something on my own or physically can’t do it on my own. I get embarrassed at my weakness or inability to be successful on my own. I feel like I am bothering the people who could help me in completing a task. Maybe it is because I have the false belief that they are too busy to help me, that they are unwilling to help, or that their help comes at a cost I can’t afford right now. 

My solution to this thinking is to not just make an affirmation of the reverse idea, but to think about it in group terms to compassionately defuse harsh judgments  and slowly bring it back to treating myself as I would others. I created this declaration affirmation to repeat when I started to put too much emphasis on how I needed to do it all myself. 

Everyone has a right to co-exist and take up space. 

We all need help from time to time.

All people help each other and have to take time to do so.

Everyone can benefit from helping exchanges. 

We are not alone in dealing with suffering, for everyone deals with it. 

As I support others in compassion, may I also hold myself.

For I am part of everyone. 

I hope, like me, you receive solace from saying these words and that they improve your ability to offer help, and receive it.